Awakenings
I've been gradually feeling worse and worse for years now: a dense fog that fills up my brain, covering my memories and thoughts.
For the most part of it, I felt angry at myself for not being able to understand why. Now I understand more, but I'm still angry because these years have atrophied my skills and strengths. It's like being on a heavily damaged ship that's slowly taking in water and will soon sink. What changed is my awareness of the situation. That and the increasing number of failed attempts at doing anything useful.
So much time and energy lost...
This is yet another try. My savings won't last long and my options are getting more and more limited, but what else could I do at this point?
In the 1990 movie, the patients woke up from their catatonia after trying an experimental medicine. For a while, at least.
Even if it's not permanent, I would love to wake up from whatever this is.
It would sound like a new beginning.